Steve, that kind of talk. Bringing OM showed her true colors? That's just your emotions talking. Multiple affairs should have shown her true colors. You have a lot of reading and working on yourself to do, right now you are often acting and saying things on emotions. Read about the stoic mindset and do it for you, forget about her like everyone else says.

And did she seriously say this

"oh, you were trying to keep a safe place for me and the kids to go if things got bad or I wanted out, damn im an idiot"

and you reply

"yeah, but its not like he could step to me anyways"

Did you just basically cement the fact that you are her plan B should she decide to leave him whenever she feels like it as well as insulting OM? That is going to make you look insecure. A real alpha wouldn't make statements like that.

Me: 38
Stbxw: 35
No kids
Mini bd: February 6, 2019
ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019
Told her to move out: September 8, 2019
W moved out: September 28, 2019
Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019