Why would you have freaked if you were already living with the man? I mean, would it have been due to finances and the responsibility of being a single mom? If I'm understanding you correctly, you had no qualms about living together outside of marriage. I guess it's difficult for me to understand how it would be a necessity to live together before even becoming engaged, but pregnancy would bring a different moral code into the relationship. And if it's not based on morals, then what is it?
I guess it is a moral thing for me. Again, I'm not religious, but I had never seen divorce as an option and have only slowly come around to it from constant pressure on this board, which is weird as a "divorce busting" board but that is neither here nor there. I feel strongly about giving children, if you choose to have them, the best possible environment and for me, that would mean parents who are married to each other, to the extent that is under your control. I know plenty of people who have kids together and aren't married. That is their choice and I don't judge. It just isn't what I had always imagined for my own life.
May I have felt that way too. Divorce is not an option. I wasnít always happy with my ex but I felt like I had to stick it out for the children. I feel that kids should have both parents. I think everyone has an idea what family is. I believe itís being married with the kids. Donít get me wrong, if there is drug abuse, physical abuse those sort of things are a no go for me or would be good for the children. Just my opinion, we are too quick to ďreplaceĒ people who arenít working out like they are supposed to. We have become too desensitized to the idea of divorce. I honestly thought before my divorce it was ďno big dealĒ because I saw and heard about it all the time. Keep in mind for me too, no one in my family ever got divorced or did I have any friends growing up that came from divorced familyís. I am only going by what I saw and heard in the media. I just donít think itís fair for the children, to bounce back and forth between homes, to have no stability. So for me I truly want it to work for me and my GF, I donít want to have more kids without stability. So May I am kinda on your boat with that. Oh and you are not hijacking at all. I love all the commentary.
I am going to address each one of your posts separately.
My only thing with this is that making bad decisions on top of bad decisions only complicates things. Read the story of David and Bathsheeba from the Bible. It is a cautionary tale.
Also you brought a baby into a world of instability by getting your GF pregnant. That was an unstable relationship, from what I can tell mostly based on sex, and you using sex to self-medicate at the loss of your W. So to say now you want to provide that child stability, that ship has sailed! My W's parents are divorce since she was a kid. Then remarried, with step-brothers and sisters involved. To have people come into your life every other weekend for your childhood is not stability. The idea that you could ever provide this child traditional stability like elude to in your quoted post is a pipe-dream.
And I can almost guarantee that this relationship will be fraught with severe ups and downs for however long it lasts, and has little hope of being long-term. The odds, and history, are severely stacked against you.
Good luck Scott, you've got difficult days ahead.
M(52), W(53),D(17) M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018