At the end of the day, I think a person has to do what they believe is the right thing. Listening to others voice their viewpoints can be helpful in emotional stressful situations. If those viewpoints don't match your belief system, you have to decide what is the best decision for you and your children (including this baby).
Since you've told us the seriousness of your indecisiveness, I have understood you a little better. It must have a negative affect on not just you, but those involved with you. Some things in life, such as choosing a color of paint, doesn't call for a person to rely upon whatever it is that guides or directs his soul, consciousness, and heart. However, when it comes to life changing/altering decisions......a person needs wisdom, and especially, to know his own values and principles. Even then, it can be very difficult, b/c you are dealing with lives. It's hard to set emotions aside, maybe impossible in some cases, but IMHO, we have to make those type of decisions based on what we believe is right. Everyone won't agree with the same moral/ethical code you may have, but it is not about doing what someone else wants. It's about your integrity, honor, belief system, etc. Sometimes, our problem in making decisions is that we want to please someone else, and really don't want them to be upset at us.
I hope in the weeks to come, the two of you can just get along and keep the drama down. That might help you come to an easier decision. Have you tried getting through the days without mentioning marriage or counseling? Does she bring up the subject of marriage most days? I do think she feels pressure and that's partly why she's pressuring you to marry her. If she didn't want or plan to get pregnant, she's having a rude awakening. Both of you are, I would imagine. Maybe I'm going out on a limb here, but I think any woman who is pregnant has the need to feel safe, protected, and to know she and the baby will be taken care of. Some women don't get those assurances, but they still have that natural need, b/c she is entering her most vulnerable state (other than when she actually gives birth). Now, I didn't say all of that to make you feel more pressure to marry her. I'm just sharing what I believe are the natural needs or instinct, so to speak, that comes along with the pregnancy. It's kind of like an animal that starts nesting, or searching for a safe place for its offspring. I am still a bit suspicious of her not showing her true self until she gets pregnant, and now trying to manipulate/pressure you into marrying her. Even if that's the case, I still believe pregnant women have innate needs that drive some of her actions. I'm not trying to excuse away all of her behavior, but after reading your previous post where you told us more about the dating and moving in together, it kind of sounds as if you might have misled her......which wasn't at all how I perceived your other posts. It doesn't change your situation, but I don't see her in quite the same light in which you had been painting. I mean, you almost sound like two different people at times, but maybe that's just me. So, moving along......
Does her parents know she's expecting a baby? B/c I think you said something about that being a source of her pressure to get married before the baby is born. Whether or not it is true, or she's simply using it to manipulate you, IDK. Does her parents give emotional support to their daughter? Would they cut her out of their lives, if she wasn't married? That seems pretty drastic in today's world, but who knows? Sorry, I'm probably saying things completely unnecessary at this point.
You sure have a lot to consider, and I don't envy you a bit.
((hugs))
P.S. Has she started her new job?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
