Thanks for responding, May. I try to learn from others on the board, and that's why I'm trying to understand your thinking.
I just want to point out that in my world, it makes sense to me that she could be embarrassed about being pregnant and unmarried yet not embarrassed about living together unmarried.
See, I have trouble making that connection. How could you be embarrassed if you feel you've done nothing wrong? If living with a man outside of marriage aligns with your morals & principles, why would pregnancy suddenly change it? I find it hard to understand how you could see divorce as never an option, but enter into a marriage b/c of a pregnancy. Perhaps this is where you are coming from when you post to Wolf. Where as I am thinking of how terrible it would be to spend a life in an unhappy, unloving MR......out of being pressured to marry for any other reason but love. We obviously see it with different viewpoints. That's okay. I think your words, "in my world" are key for all of us. Many of us do come from different worlds. In my world, your explanation makes no logical sense to me. We can respectfully agree to disagree, and have no hard feelings. Wolfe can decide for himself.
And thank you for sharing your background too! I love that on this board we are able to connect with people who may be very far apart in a lot of ways but all still are very human and share that core human experience.
I agree! I don't often respond directly to another poster who is advising a newcomer. I really wanted to understand what you were saying about the pregnancy/embarrassment issue, and that's why I posted to you, giving my own thoughts......of course.
Again, I'm not religious, but I had never seen divorce as an option and have only slowly come around to it from constant pressure on this board, which is weird as a "divorce busting"
I have been thinking about this just recently, how some people may feel a bit pressured. I don't think it's intended, but in trying to help someone through their pain, it may be perceived as pressuring. I do believe we all speak from a place of experience, directly or indirectly. It does bother me, however, to know you have felt pressured by the board. Some of us speak rather bluntly, and it may sound as if we are being harsh, or maybe superimposing our views on someone else. However, what does it accomplish if the other person can't freely make their decisions based on the information they are given? It's their life, and we are suppose to be a support group. Sometimes, we might need to be reminded, lest we get carried away with trying to get them to see our own views.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!