May, give your advice to WM. No need to respond directly to me. You think he should do something different then tell him. Peace to you.
OK-- Wolf, I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I simply felt that you were getting an avalanche of pressure to kick your GF out yesterday and was attempting to show support for you if you choose not to take that path. I know you're in a tough place and so is she. I hope you can work it out in some way, living together or not, where you're both in an OK place raising a child together and you feel confident that you've done the right thing by your child and by his/her mother down the line. I felt like everyone here was making her out to be a monster and you were stuck defending her and your choices, which doesn't really help you to think clearly about the future.
Know that everyone here is posting because they care about you and want to share some of their hard-earned wisdom with you, so that you might not experience some of the difficulties others have experienced. And, you're not obliged to take anyone's advice here, even if they tell it to you a hundred times. Sort through it all and make decisions that fit best with your own situation and moral code, not anyone else's.
For me, my guiding light through all of this has been that I want to look back on this time in five or ten years and have no regrets, especially as it has to do with things that affect my children. Perhaps taking the long view, understanding where you want to be in five years or ten years with your own life and your relationships with your kids, can help take some of the pressure off of the little day-to-day decisions and help you focus on your priorities and core values. (As an aside, if you haven't gone through an exercise to identify your core values, this might not be a bad time to do so-- it might help you in your decision making process to ensure your choices align with your values.)
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
