When I asked you a little over a week ago if you are really in love with him I asked because I figured if it was more about the kids , you can just agree on a coparenting relationship for now. Not working on your romantic relationship and have any expectations of eachother.
After reading alisons post, if you donít physically separate, separating mentally as husband and wife might be your best option. You both have expectations of eachother that none of you are even close to meeting. Neither are in a place to meet them. What he needs from you, you are not in a place to give and what you need from him, he is not in a place to give. I just erased my personal opinion on trusting your ex, itís pretty harsh, but I will tell you, I see why you donít trust him. Or are even close to trusting him.
Emotional separation sounds like the next best thing from physical separation. An agreement on peace in the home, no relationship talks, no expectations. Do your family thing. But as far as the two of you go? Emotional separation rather than the pressure of wanting what neither of you are even close to giving, could take some great pressure off and get rid of the rage. Keep your peace in your home, ( because as much as you think you hide it, if you are full of rage and anger towards your H, the kids feel it. They will remember it growing up. ) my dad tried to hide a lot from me in my home thinking I wouldnít see it . Well, I may have not so much in the time, but when I grew up, it all came back to me as I understood adult emotions. And it was damaging. Still is a bit damaging, quite honestly. But I know my dad was doing what he felt was right and best at the time .
Maybe give you and your H 3 months of peace. No R talks. No expectations. No anger. Just peace