Ginger, I take your point. If it weren't for COVID, maybe I'd be leaning towards that too. Maybe we limp through the next year or two and then split up then-- but at least then I'll have all the regular outlets that simply aren't available to me right now. And the children will as well.

You may be absolutely right that I'm making this choice to live together right now based on short-term rather than long-term factors, but right now, I can't see adding the short-term stress of S to the COVID stress mix for any of us. I don't see the harm, though, to anything but our future MR in making that choice. And if that ends up being what happens, so be it. I don't think I'll regret my choice to live together for the reasons I'm making it down the line. Maybe I'm weak for not being able to combine parenting through S and COVID because it is the best chance my M has. I think I'm being realistic. But I will talk it over with my IC.

Also, yes, while we are avoiding having difficult conversations in front of the children and there are times when I am angry and need to go vent it off when they're awake and around, I'm not faking anything. When we're together as a family, we're happy. I'm happy. Kids are happy. H looks and acts happy. I can focus wholly on them and being a family and not think at all about all the other $hit. If feeling $hitty about H and our MR pervaded my entire life and I thought about it all day long-- wow, then absolutely, I would be gagging for some sort of S. It isn't like that. At least not right now.


Me (45) H (41)
M:13 T:17, D8 & D11
4/19 BD #1 ILYB
8/19 BD #2 Long-distance EA
12/19 BD #3 Actually 2 year PA
2-5/20 R attempt #1
6/20 limbo again, back in contact with AP
9/20-present R attempt #2