I think the point is if you want a happy healthy 2 parent home in the long run, the very best chance you have of that is separating while you both heal. In the end, what will be better for them? Not right in this moment. The end game is the most important.
From here, honestly, it looks like at best you can achieve a compare ting relationship under the same roof. Healing, regaining trust, understanding yourselves and healing from the pain trying to be done under the same roof whiling “hiding it” from your kids,what percentage of that working towards a solid end game do you think there really is?
I honestly think you guys will keep playing the same game under the same roof and the outcome is almost inevitable. I’m sorry to be so honest.