I agree with Allison.

Theres a disconnect in your positions here. He thinks youre both piecing, but you arent ready for that and have a lot of unresolved stuff to work through.

I think the kindest thing here is to be honest. While youre in different head spaces there are different expectations, and when expectations arent met - it leads to disagreements, arguing, resentment - and ultimately further breaks the marriage.

I dont know HOW you should go about this (perhaps ask some of the more experienced members on the board) but I think someone needs to flag that you are in different positions and have different expectations.

It will be a hard conversation, but it needs to happen. You cant keep responding from a place of fear.