She did all the cooking up until she found out she was pregnant and then said she needed to be pregnant. But before that she cooked my kids favorite foods all the time. I mean my son loves shrimp, she would constantly buy it and make it for him. When my daughter was coming she would make she sure she had her favorite drinks. One day my d said, “I’m in the mood for a milkshake.” At the time we didn’t have any ice cream. So my GF ran out and got ice cream and chocolate syrup for her. This whole pregnancy thing has got her crazy. Is it the hormones? Is is this really who she is coming out now?
I can't begin to count how many women I've seen IRL appear like an angel, all sweetness & sunshine, a man's dream of a wife. Then once she gets that ring on her finger, the real woman starts showing. I think most people want their best side to shine to their potential spouse/lover. This behavior you are seeing now, is not due to pregnancy hormones! She has been very clear about why she is not doing her share of housework & cooking. Every day she will make things for you a bit harder. As I said last time, you can expect her to cut the sex off any day now. This is the behavior of a selfish, immature girl, not a woman in love with you, who wants to make a home with you and be a loving step-mom to your children. It was all an act, Wolf.
Forgive me everyone, I know a lot of you are going to jump down my throats but I want a family again.
Well, I'm sorry you feel like we are jumping down your throat. We can see more objectively, b/c we aren't emotionally involved in your drama. You want the family that was taken away from you.....and if you can't have that one, you'll get another one. In theory, that might be fine, but IMHO, you have not gone through the healing/mourning process from your divorce. I think your relationship with your GF was like applying a soothing salve, but it wasn't strong enough to heal your wounds. I remember how afraid you were at the thought of living alone. When you were writing about your loss, it was the family life you wanted. I didn't remember hearing how deeply you loved your W, or how you couldn't live without her. It was always the family unit that held your heart. There's nothing wrong with wanting a family. Getting married to a woman who is already waving red flags before the wedding? That could be a major problem.
My biggest concern is your state of confusion. It causes you to be very vulnerable to her wearing you down. I think it is unhealthy for your GF to live with you right now. You need space to figure out your own feelings and what you want going forward. She's not alone. She has family.
In the last 2 years I have worked on my self a lot. And feel like I have changed a lot. For example, not holding a grudge, being a lot more patient with my children, maybe at times too much. I have really worked on validating a lot. So, I guess I would hope she would too. 😞
Interesting. Why would you hope your GF would work on herself? Were there conversations about areas she needed to improve? Maybe you just assumed?
I know I did this and there is no one else to blame but it scares me to know I will have 2 baby mamas. I felt like I had a chance to start over with her, but like a lot of you have said, too many red flags!!!
Okay, you did this. It was a big risk and it has come back to bite you. So, do you have to enter into another MR? Are you seeing her as your last chance at love & happiness? I think the age difference is going to be more of a problem after you marry her. It was fine to have sex with a young, attractive girl, without the drama of a W & kids.......but when you enter into a long term relationship, making a home and raising children together,..........that age gap can be a big problem. How does she fit in with your group of friends? How do you fit in with hers? Are her friends around her age, and do you feel like the oldest guy there? What physical activities do both like to do together, outside the house? Have you ever taken her on a trip? You don't have to answer me, it's just for you to think about.
And to be completely honest some of her behaviors are definitely immature, I would have done the same things at her age.
Like I said, it's going to show up a lot more, if you stay together. You don't want to feel as if you are raising another daughter.......but with her level of immaturity, that's a big possibility. As with any M, there is plenty to consider, but I think this difference in your ages, bring problems that you might not have with someone closer to your age. Fifteen yrs doesn't sound terrible on paper, but you have to examine where the two of you are in life. She's just getting started, and she may want a couple more kids.
I'm just trying to get you to think logically. Whatever you decide, you can still come here and talk with us. Who else is going to call you out?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!