And during that time she did all the cooking (she lives to cook) and all the cleaning (very meticulous) in the home. I help with cooking on occasion and cleaning. I am the one working while she looks for a job. But ever since I broke up with her (that was for 3 days) we got back together and she said she should be acting more like a GF than a wife. And she stopped most of the cooking and cleaning.
What kind of bizarre logic is that? She thinks a live-in girlfriend doesn't cook and clean, only a wife does? I'm with MrB, sounds like emotional blackmail. Red flag. And not only that, but she didn't bother talking to you about it first, which is another huge red flag. She just decided to withdraw her love and support of you without warning.
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I know I messed up with breaking up with her while she is pregnant, so I have been trying real hard to show her love and affection.
Why? The whole reason you broke up with her is because she was being cold and distant, if you shower her with love and affection you are REWARDING her bad behavior! So now you're trying twice as hard and she's trying half as hard, what does that tell you about her investment in this R?
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She told me I made her very insecure and she is nervous I could do that to her again.
Your response should be "I'm willing to work on this R with you, but if you don't try then yes, breaking up is always a possibility." She SHOULD be nervous it could happen again, it should give her incentive to work at keeping you.
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And she brings up that she is very embarrassed being pregnant and not married. So she is pushing me I to marriage because of the baby. I told her I think we should be working on the relationship to make sure we have a solid foundation before we take that next step.
You are 100% correct. Don't forget, a few weeks ago you were asking us for advice on how to get her out of the house. Now you want advice on how to keep her there. My advice has not changed, I still think she needs to live somewhere else while the two of you work on things. Living together is NOT WORKING, and I think you would see that if you could take the rose-colored glasses off for a moment.
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She tells me the longer we are not married and she is pregnant her resentment grows for me.
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She has also become less affectionate towards me.
How many red flags do you need before you see how dysfunctional this R is?
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But she has hinted she doesn’t want to wait, and that she might leave.
Best thing that could happen in my opinion. I'd help her pack. Like I said in the last thread, since she's pregnant with your baby (at least as far as you know) then I would suggest supporting her to some extent until she can get established. But talk to a lawyer to make sure you're not setting some kind of support precedent that you may not be able to get out of.
She's not the prize here. YOU are the prize. Start acting like it!
