Originally Posted by curtis7
There are many LBS here that are divorced and seem jaded against cheaters and for good reason considering the pain they inflict. I do have a question for former WWs and LBS that have R after EAs/PAs. How long did it take between the WW/WAS initiating NC and moving through A withdrawal until a firm commitment was made to R

Well to answer this question, I have to elaborate on something. And that's respect. At the end of September 2017, I found out my WW was still talking to her AP. Two weeks before that she told me she had stop talking to him. The night I discovered she was still talking to him, she was planning to me up with him in a another city in a couple of weeks. Mind you, that night she asked me to watch a movie with her, and for the past couple of weeks, she was asking me to spend time with her. I took it as, her coming around. But it wasn't! So that night in September, when I discovered her still talking to him. I HAD ENOUGH. I didn't care anymore, I still wanted my marriage, but I wanted my RESPECT much more. I'm built to not deal with disrespect for toooooo long. So I woke her up, it's was like 2 or 3 a.m. And I showed her, her messages. She looked all crazy, and I told her she had two choices. She could either continue talking to him and leave or stop talking to him and stay, but as long as you stay here stay. I knew I couldn't force it, but it she would of choose to continue talking to him, our truck would of been packed up with her Sh$t the next day. She told me she needed time to decide. I told her, her time was up!!!! She needed to answer right now. She choose to stay. Over the next few weeks. I got the hell away from her. I had no more need to be around a cheater and liar.

After that night, I didn't ask her a dam thing about her life, I continue to live my life and work on my relationship with my boys. At the middle of October, she asked me to go to counseling. I said ok. I didn't beg her to go, she kept pushing off the counseling day she requested, I told her, this is my last time requesting a date. She ending up going on the last day I requested. Then on or around Halloween, I asked what the h@ll we are doing, because I'm trying to move forward with my life (my slight mistake), but she said, "I don't know about you, but I'm working on the Marriage". I was shocked. I walked off and said ok. Then over the next month, we started to become physical. On or around New Years, I told her she needs to write up a "No contact" letter, and let me read it before she send it to him. I read it and reworded. She accepted my revision of the "No Contact" letter and sent it to him.

Notice, that her acceptance of anything dealing with our relationship or Marriage came after, I put my foot down and didn't tolerate her disrespect and actions.

I also made it known, through my actions that I would/will be ok without her. I started respecting myself after I found this site at the end of August. I made myself a person only a fool would leave.

What also crazy, I read in some of her text to her AP, he was getting upset with her, because, she was talking about me too much to him. Asking him, why I was doing certain things. She was also, doing google searches on numbers I was calling in my phone. I was basically detaching myself from her while we were still married.

One night, in the beginning of September, she asked me was I cheating on her, because, I was doing so much stuff outside the home. I just looked at her like, "it's none of your business anymore, what I'm doing. She told me that she started to dread the thoughts of me being with another woman.

Your Wife hasn't had a chance to miss you, because she has never LOST you or been given the opportunity to think she was going to loss you. You are so accessible, you might as well be her coat in a closet. She puts you on when she gets cold, but, while she's hot you are put up in the dark closet.

You get 2X4's because we care about you. We care about your family and marriage, but to be honest, all your actions, show you only care about yourself. Even your list is full of selfish intent. Stop being selfish and start loving. And allowing people to make their own decisons is a part of that process. Your W don't/won't/can't love you because you won't allow her to with your actions. She is being smothered with you and your impatient for her to make a decision to choose you. SHE DON'T WON'T YOU. YOU are not attractive. All your actions are unattractive. Stop doing unattractive things and stop loving your wife and sometimes, loving a person, is letting go! When you love a person you allow them to make themselves happy without you intervening in the process of their decision making.

The reason, why you didn't come back because of the 2x4s are because, you didn't like what we were telling you. You didn't like hearing that we didn't agree with your actions or your W actions. The truth hurts, it's painful, and you or you WW can't heal until you both deal with the truth. You ar lying to yourself about your entire situation. Stop lying to yourself, so you can stop lying your WW to LIE to YOU.

Last edited by job; 11/13/20 03:29 PM. Reason: edited language

M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.