Originally Posted by Core
I think I'm partially responsible for my W getting to the point where she could be plucked from the marriage

Core, of course, you are 50% responsible for your marriage failing. She is responsible for any cheating.

Originally Posted by Core
On top of that part of my decision to file was based on her not getting counseling, her name calling and lying about these things. Its turns out..

Learn what you can and move on. Maybe, "Slow down making big decisions." IIRC, several on this board nudged you to do more work on communication and detachment before filing. If D wasn't the best choice, it was at least reasonable, since you say she was in an EA. It's done, since your W isn't eager for an undo, so no point second-guessing now. Maybe today's theme is, "Once you've made a decision, run with it." Make your choice to D the best you can for you and your kids. Embrace all the opportunities that come from closing one book and opening another one. You didn't want your kids seeing conflicted and mopey parents--now you're free. Most religions and societies accept infidelity as a reasonable cause for divorce.

Originally Posted by Core
I felt deeply that my purpose was to have a family and raise my kids well so they have a net positive impact on the world. Without the family and from the damage this will do to the kids, my purpose has failed in my mind.

Many with divorced parents have a net positive effect on the world.

Don't give up on your dream.

May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha