Well, I really wasn’t vulnerable. I just let myself fully enjoy the dating or a relationship. I treaded so lightly around M and i when we were becoming serious. Afraid to be too much, to embrace being a couple because I didn’t want to do the “wrong” thing or “scare “ him away. I haven’t been able to fully give myself to a relationship. It’s always in the back of my head how I’m the “right now” girl and not the “right” girl to most of the people I have dated. Even my own husband. That stuff sticks if and when I decide to date again, I am going to relax into it, enjoy it, and drop the insecurities.
I also take my Vit D gummies almost daily.

CW: thank you. I’ve been alone most holidays. If I don’t have my D , I Usually work since I have a job that never sleeps, lol. One year I did volunteer at a sober men living shelter on thanksgiving and got my dad and his wife to do it with me. It was a great experience to watch these men have their families come and celebrate in a safe place with them.

As far as Christmas. Last year I had my D Christmas even into Christmas. The year before, I spent Christmas Eve with my ex BF and his family and stayed over and went to work the next morning. This year will be my first year in 4 seasons that I have spent Christmas Eve into Christmas morning alone. It is very difficult. I usually cry my way through it, honestly. I do have to work on Christmas again this year though, so I will treat that morning as any other and get up for work .

Sigh. I do promise to make it the best holiday season for my daughter . Because she just loves the holidays so much. Her mood increases by a million while mine tanks. But I will keep it going with the cheer for her.

We actually laid in her room this morning and listened to Christmas music. Because it makes her so happy.

Oh, and a wonderful side effect of the no drinking?

I can sleep without my sleeping pills! I sleep pretty decently. I thought it might be the opposite . I guess not. I’ll take it!