Boy this was a tough read Core. You would never know by reading this that you were the one who filed for divorce. You have to let go of the victims mentality. With your high anxiety I'm sure you were controlling at times the two go hand in hand. One of the number one problems with the LBS on this board is they want the WW to be something that they are not. I actually respected you when you filed because you weren't going to be treated that way by your W. Now it clearly shows that you did it as a tactic. You are 37 years old. 15 years younger then me. Basically 50 years ahead of you and your worried about being in another relationship. Why worry about it now? Raise your kids. If you want to have sex then have sex. You can do anything you want and are the master of your own destiny. Are kids better in a row parent home with loving parents? Absolutely! Now how many of those families do you know? Does alimony suck? Yep. It's only money and it doesn't last forever.
I'm really sorry that your family is breaking up when your kids are so young. I the positive side they will not know the difference. I once asked my BFs daughter if she was effected by her parents not living together. She was 2 when they split. She said not at all. I never knew any different.
Life is what you make of it Core. Time to positively start planning for the future.
M:51 W:46 T:22 M:16 S:15 D:11
“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith