Originally Posted by harvey
Originally Posted by Steve85
Originally Posted by harvey
BTW, I started dating my GF a little over a year after BD and about 9 months after divorce. Everybody's timeframe is different. I think if you really look inside yourself, you'll know if you are ready.

harvey, the problem isn't timeframe....it is mindset. If the LBS is dating to "stop the bleeding" (IE put on a bandaid) then they are doing it for the wrong reasons. Your timeframe is a short one. Not sure how things are going with your gf, but I would argue that in the vast majority of LBSs, 9 months post D, after BD was just 4 months prior, is not a healthy timeframe. Maybe it will work out for you...maybe it won't. But LBSs have other things to be focusing on in the shortterm and dating isn't one of them.

People are built different. I've always been somebody that handles adversity well. DB through mid summer 2019 was the toughest time of my life, but by August I felt ready to date. I met my GF at a funeral in April 2019 and we hit it off, but I told her that I wasn't ready to start dating. I wasn't. We kept in contact via text. By August I felt ready and I told her that. We've been dating 13 months and things are going strong. We could break up, any relationship could end, but it's not because I wasn't ready to start dating 13 months ago.

Some people may need more than 2 years. I don't think 1 year or 2 years is a magic number. Maybe most men aren't ready to start dating after 9 months or even 1 year, but some will be. You have to be completely honest with yourself though. I think what helped me was the fact we were separated immediately after DB (even before since we were in the process of moving to another state).

harvey, I would qualify you as the exception, not the rule, though. Most people need time to recover, heal, improve and get themselves ready to move forward with someone else. I think very few people do that that and that is why the divorce stats look like this:

- 1st marriages ending in D: 40-50%
- 2nd marriages ending in D: 60-70%
- 3rd marriages ending in D: 70-80%

Most people do not want to be alone so they jump at the next thing that comes along. But those numbers above are sobering numbers. The best way to trend towards the % that stays married is to put in the work necessary to heal and improve. Learn and grow. Rather than just want sex and to have that itch scratched. I feel sex is a big reason people jump to marriage #2...AND THEN #3......and so on.

M(51), W(52),D(16)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018