Originally Posted by tom_h
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Hi Tom,

Are you happy?

Well, there are several ways to answer this.

The polite answer, to most acquanitances, is yes. The shock is over, I've gotten to a stable point, and while the divorce isn't final it will be in a few months, hopefully.

The correct answer is any happiness is mostly superficial. I am still in a haze sometimes, shaking my head as I walk around the house, having gotten used to the fact that she's not here but recognizing that this is still her house -- the furniture she chose, the wall covers and more. I am still in therapy and still working on myself. So from that perspective, I'm not happy yet.


Outward shows of happiness can be superficial....yes. But true happiness isn't superficial. It is a deep down security in your own worth, being able to enjoy life, and moving forward with purpose and understanding. Do not confuse sorrow, pain, and mourning as a lack of happiness. The happiest people on earth still feel sad and mourn loss. This is why I like to use the analogy of death of a spouse. Your spouse chose to leave you and move on to a life without you. But there are other ways to lose a spouse: disease, accident, malfeasance. Those that are internally happy will mourn that loss, but then face a new day with bravery and zest. Those that had their happiness to wrapped up in their spouse (codependence) will feel paralyzed and unable to move forward.

So while you are still occasionally in a haze, shaking your head as you walk around the house, and still mourn the loss of your W, that doesn't mean that you aren't content in the fact that you are secure in who you are and who you want to be, and moving forward with your best life possible. We do not control what happens to us in this life, but we certainly control how we react to it.


M(51), W(52),D(16)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018