Gigi,
Thankfully the savings is only in my name so he doesn't have access to it. He wants to talk about a # he gives me monthly for bills and the kids and I will cover the rest. I was told by a couple of people to get a lawyer to help with this but if we can work out a number and get it in writing, I would prefer to not shell out a few thousand right now for a lawyer. So that has worked well for you guys-him giving you an allotted amount each month? It would be a relief to not worry about what he is doing with the rest of the money.

Today we had a conversation and he randomly said, "I really wish we could have figured out a way to get along and stay together." I said, "Yeah, I wish we got help and did that. But we didn't and we don't. He asked me, "So you really wouldn't be interested in trying?" I said, "No, at this point in time no."

Whenever we had issues in the past (including affairs), I was always there for him to fall back on. ALWAYS begging him to come back, etc. But we never put in the real work to fix our issues so here we are again. He would have to do a hell of a lot for me to even consider coming back and I don't even know if then I would want him. Should I have specified that-that there is a possibility under a lot of conditions? I think my answer was good because I made it clear I would NOT be his plan b, but a friend told me I need to let him know if I do want to save the marriage. She said dont give him specifics on what he needs to do, but that he does need to know.

Anyway, thank you for reading and sorry if my posts are getting annoying. smile Just want to make sure I handle things correctly and my head is not always very clear.