Originally Posted by Steve85
Originally Posted by harvey
BTW, I started dating my GF a little over a year after BD and about 9 months after divorce. Everybody's timeframe is different. I think if you really look inside yourself, you'll know if you are ready.


harvey, the problem isn't timeframe....it is mindset. If the LBS is dating to "stop the bleeding" (IE put on a bandaid) then they are doing it for the wrong reasons. Your timeframe is a short one. Not sure how things are going with your gf, but I would argue that in the vast majority of LBSs, 9 months post D, after BD was just 4 months prior, is not a healthy timeframe. Maybe it will work out for you...maybe it won't. But LBSs have other things to be focusing on in the shortterm and dating isn't one of them.

Steve, I think you're one of the guys who told me 2 years at minimum before dating. I suppose what you mean is that the LBH needs to settle down emotionally and accept what happened; then GAL and start 180s. What do you think the driving factor is here? The 180s? Because it took me 90 days to finally accept things emotionally, and don't get me wrong, those were horrible, horrible days, the last 45 of them being Thanksgiving and Christmas last year.

Here's my point. We need connection with others to make the 180s work. And for we men, so often it is matters of communication and sensitivity. How do we know how we're doing unless we have women friends?

I get it, intense sexual relationships will blind us to our changes. Men are generally dumb enough to think that they're in love when the sex is just wow! And yes, divorced women who we date will probably be very hot to trot.

But why not coffee dates? Why not more simple connections? Why not female confidantes? Because these will be the ones who give us feedback on our 180s. At least in my case, it won't be my ex!