A lot of your last two posts resonate a lot with me. It reminds me of my separation last summer in many ways.
Originally Posted by Core
I have a feeling I'm going to be the bitter, angry, resentful guy. Even if W wanted me back, shes not at all what I want in a mate. The first several years of our R she had a mask on. Her real interests, wants, needs, opinions differ now. She used to be responsible, take ownership, and had accountability. Those things are gone. My W truly died in a way and she was an amazing person when she was alive. We were happy, always wanted to be together, always positive, had dreams and aspirations. Now this being has no empathy or sympathy for me or my family, we can barely converse and I am stuck with this version of her for countless years longer than I had my wife.
Resentment is a choice.
You are telling yourself your own narrative here. You are describing your W today. People change.
My STBXW is an absolute nightmare for me to deal with. I choose not to post much about it anymore. I think she is entitled and irresponsible and destructive and toxic. But I don't let it eat me alive.
I also have a great relationship with my kids. I'm gradually moving through the legal process to move on with my life and disentangle myself as much as possible from her. I'm excited about life. I have some resentment, no doubt, but it isn't eating me alive.
Part of detachment is ignoring the narrative that is being projected onto you. I see you react a lot to the current circumstances with your W, the things she says or does. You don't like it. You recoil from it. Try to detach... her truth will change, and frankly, it's not your truth, so who cares?
I know it's hard to accept that you will never understand. I know my own truth about how my MR unraveled. But I am confused as ever about my W's experience and why things got to this point. I'll never know. That's okay. I have 3 beautiful young kids, my relationship with them is better than ever, and I'm going to enjoy my life. I don't get to experience certain things with them. But I also have some magical times with them, times where I'm not worried about doing things the way my X wants me to, or worried about choosing things that she wants to do.
Hang in there, it takes a long time, you will adjust. Try to detach from your W's narrative, recognize that you are tethered to that rock and you need to cut that rope.