Thank you BL for the encouragement.

I full on broke down seeing the kids leave. I'd spent much time thinking of how the first family vacation would go. Now I dont get to experience it but I get to pay for it financially and emotionally. People have been through worse so I know I'll be ok but I'll not be ok with it.

Things my W has said "you are my everything. You are my world. Even if you get upset with me, I'd never let you divorce me. You make me the happiest person on earth. You are the love of my life". All BS.

Things my WW has said "I never loved you. You're a bad husband. You hurt me more than anyone ever has. I've always loved someone else in a first love type of way. You were never worth singing about. You betrayed me way worse than I did to you". All BS

It's like a WW is the complete opposite of the person you fell for. Kindess, caring , love, empathy, compassion accountability and ethic have become hatred, victimization, invalidation, disregard, disrespect, no accountability, poor ethic, weak morals.

As I've seen how someone can transform over what I thought was very little, I dont want any future relationships. As we've heard 100 times in other stories, I wasnt abusive, selfish, had no addictions, never yelled, knowingly hurt her emotionally just 2 times that I recall and both times were to put the kids safety ahead of hers. I literally showered her in love and affection. My biggest gripe in the M was the lack of reciprocity. When I would bring this up, she'd distance further. Must've been such a hard life having someone's seemingly unending love. Well I got to enjoy her conditional AF love. I picked wrong. I was hesitant to M and for good reason. A part of me felt the red flags but blinded to them.

You guys have so idea how physically and personally adorable these affected children are. Its a shame that in this one life, my son will never remember a peaceful two parent home. My wifes family lineage of throwing family members away continues and I hope it stops here. I pray I can do what it takes to prevent S and D from following the path and can live my families values. We have 1 known divorce in my families history and it was due to a severe mental illness. I'm now the 2nd one and the reason is....feelings? Trauma? I dont know.

If anyone who is considering getting married reads this, please fix your past as both my W and I should have done, before bringing kids in to the world.

Last edited by Core; 10/06/20 03:31 PM.

H37, W37
D4, S2
BD 9/19
EA discovered 10/19
Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated