Hey Tom. Just reading your sich here. I feel for you. I don't have much to offer in terms of advice. I am a newbie here. However, I do know that the pain gets a little easier each day. I still have emotional periods, still breakdown sometimes but it is getting easier. It's really helpful to have a community like this to lean on when times are tough. I hope things get better for you
Tim, thanks. I've had a good life, and given that I had a rough childhood I sometimes think I've lived a charmed life -- until last year.
Our marriage wasn't perfect -- yes it was blah in the years leading up to her walkout without notice, yes, she had lost interest in sex 20 years earlier after children, yes, she was not always on "Team Tom" when I needed her emotionally, but still -- STILL -- I was committed to her. I called her the love of my life to my kids, and that was sincere. I wanted to grow old together. I was loyal to her. I never spoke ill about her, even in my weakest moments. I don't have a temper, I have no anger issues, I never called her names. I would have never left her, ever. If she had gone through what I had gone through, I would have carried her rather than leaving her.
So the worst part is wondering whether I made the right choice 30 years ago; sometimes I do. It also hurts wondering if I'm damaged goods. If I'm a failure at marriage. If I have poor discernment regarding people. If I just can't love as a woman wants.
It has been a year for me, so I'm ahead of you. And yes, the pain gets easier. If it seems like it's fresh it's because I found no forums like this until 6 weeks ago, already 11 months after D-Day. But I'm much better. On the anniversary of D-Day, I sent a message to my kids about my journey. My girls were pretty shocked that Dad was so open. But what the hey, if a Tom 2.0 is going to be a reality, there will be a lot more surprises than Dad talking about his feelings.