Dawn, I appreciate your post more than you m ow. Some days I feel like I am failing miserably as a parent. Itís really tough that Iím in the position where everyone comes to complain to me about her behavior like itís my job solely to fix and like itís all my fault. Itís a lot to be solely responsible for. And everyone has their opinions. A good part of it is just her being a teenager. But I am not in the camp of using that excuse for not doing anything about it. So there has got to be consequences. I do have expectations and she needs to meet them in order to get the good extras in life. It just gets super heavy when you are doing it on your own. My ex was kind enough to validate that I get the brunt of it . He knows it because Iím mostly with her. But itís a lonely place to raise children from birth by yourself. Itís really hard and pressure filled. No support, constant doubt... not even a my own mom to guide me. Itís more in my older age not having a mom or a mother figure do I realize how much it has impacted me.

Anyways. We are managing with some slip ups that get consequences. But her mood is lighter and more enjoyable. Thatís a plus.

Me on the other hand is a mess. I probably did tear my meniscus according to my surgeon. I have an MRI Wednesday to confirm and see what kind of tear and why the next step is. And the worst part? If I need surgery, I have no one to take me or care for me. My dad is getting his own procedure. I seriously have no one and that is a real tough pill to swallow. I guess Iíll worry about it more when I know what the course of action is. My foot, saw that doctor yesterday and got another shot. He thinks itís something else that can really only be helped by medications I am really trying to avoid. I want to exercise, hike, walk, take adventures, even if solo, but I canít. So I eat and drink instead and that isnít doing very good for me. I want to get out into nature which I love.

Iím visiting a friend tomorrow and we are going to a winery by her house. I am also buying 2 brand new bicycles from her for me and D 13 . I can comfortably bicycle ride right now, so Iím Hopi be that will get me out with some exercise. Iím trying .

Iím reorganizing all my closets and trying to really minimize and get rid of any clutter. I have no storage and Iím sick of seeing stuff out. I want it away. So Iím making it happen. Itís looking pretty good so far. That will be my Saturday night plans and Iím looking forward to it.

Oh, and I did lease a brand new car and I got a really awesome deal and I love it. Thatís definitely a bright spot.

Iím keep in keeping on. Iím hoping for a decent amount of time off in November and December and hope to take a long weekend getaway for myself.

A lot of people ask me if Iím dating. And I say no. Then they ask why. And I say I would t want to date me now, so I probably wouldnít attract the best partners. I have a coworker retiring, and we are having a party for her and her 44 year old single son is coming and everyone wants to hook me up with him. This should be interesting. Or really uncomfortable, lol. Guess I better dress nice.

D13 is getting her a special curly cut right now and I canít stay in the salon, so Iím waiting at a cafe. I canít wait to see it. Hopefully she loves it !