Originally Posted by tom_h
If you don't mind, tell me a little more about NMMNG with your GF. What specifically did you change? I can imagine both the trivial (e.g., where you go to dinner or which movie to watch) to the non-trivial ("it's time for me to meet your parents" rather than "whenever you think it's the right time").


Good question. I've worked on my covert contracts. In my marriage my XW controlled our sex life. It wasn't terrible (1-2/weeks), but it felt stale. If I did things for her (loving things, chores, etc.) and she wasn't in the mood, it would often make me disappointed or upset. I did things with an expectation that I'd be rewarded. I'd let it fester inside. I think it's a bit normal for a guy. I've really tried hard to break free from that. I still do things for my GF, but without expectations. And sometimes, I say no. I try to keep all of our interactions flirty and fun--without the expectation that it will lead to sex. To be honest though, my GF is much more "sexual" than my XW, and she likes that I lead our sex life. Our sex life is fantastic. Hopefully, that isn't just limerence.

I've learned women don't want wishy washy guys that are always asking them what they want to do. I know where my GF likes to eat, where she likes to have a drink, etc. Instead of asking her what she'd like to do, I will say "I feel like having a drink at [a bar she may like]", and she's usually like "sounds great". Other times, I choose the place I like. If we have a free weekend, instead of asking her what she wants to do, I will tell her that I'm in the mood to take a road trip to a specific place. It's just a different mentality.

Getting through my divorce forced me to control my emotions and expectations. I try to be a rock for my GF--calm, cool, and collected. Nothing's going to bring me down. smile

The thing I've worked on the most is to truly listen to my GF. Women aren't looking for us to fix things--which goes against our nature. I don't even have to agree with what she's saying, but I try to validate the feelings behind her words.