Hi Rachel, how are you today?

Originally Posted by rachel75
Fast forward to later today... H came by to discuss some things and after he searched through my computer history, I told him he was not in a position to do that and took the computer from him. He began telling the kids how he wants them to come stay with him but I won't let them. After some more of this, I lost it in front of the kids and said how H has been living with OW and her kids. I regretted it instantly and have been trying to repair that damage all day long.


This sounds really hard, but don't beat yourself up over losing it. And please be careful about how much regret you show in front of the kids. It can be really disarming for kids to see an adult not forgive oneself for human behavior. Saying 'You know when you get angry at a friend and say things that hurt someone else? I lost my temper and said some things I wish I didn't. Next time I am angry at Dad, I am going to take a deep breath before I say anything.' And then leave it open to their questions, but don't flagellate yourself in front of them. You don't want to teach them through your behavior that they are unforgivable for their actions. Does this make sense?

Originally Posted by rachel75
Since, then H left and went through a weird progression of actions.

1. threatening to call DFCS on me for saying those things in front of the kids
2. Next he was saying he is coming home this weekend for good and we will NOT be divorcing because he will be here to make sure I am miserable the rest of my life.
3. Next he sent me a long message detailing how everyone will be better off without him, how he is going to finally end it. When I ignored those messages, he sent a few more with suicide notes to each of the kids.


1. Good luck to him.
2. This is abuse. Keep records. If he does come home and attempts to make you miserable, you can use this to get a court to order him to move out.
3. Keep a record of these sorts of comments and interactions. He is not stable and may not be stable enough to spend time alone with the kids.

Originally Posted by rachel75
A little bit later, he called me and was bawling, going on about how all he does is cause problems and everyone will be better off without him. He was very drunk. I asked if OW was with him and when he confirmed, I told him to go enjoy his time with her and hung up.


Great response, great boundary. Keep up this sort of detachment. You DID NOT break him and you CANNOT fix him.

Meet with more L's and let them know what you told us here. They will give you some legal tools for moving forward and protecting yourself.

I am so sorry, Rachel.