Originally Posted by Steve85

So you would be open to her coming back, even if not immediately. You are not ready to date. When you can answer "I wouldn't take her back if she were the last woman on earth" then I say go date like a madman.

You came to this forum lamenting the fact that she wouldn't even talk to you. To me you still have an attachment to her emotionally that you need to work on. Absence and loneliness are not the same thing as being ready to move on.


Steve, maybe the below makes this clearer.

A new friend, about age 55, told me the story of his WAW from about 10 years ago. I'll spare you the details, but he said that the pain never goes away. Never goes away. Last year, this friend remarried a lovely woman, stunning in fact, and is very happy. But he says that every day, during some moment of quiet, he feels pain because his first love, and his beautiful young family, fell apart. [I think his new wife must be a saint.] "It hurts every day, Tom," he said.

I'm not sure whether he is still "emotionally attached" to his ex after 10 years. Maybe he is just a sensitive man! [That's true in fact, he is artistic.]

Only the most callous among us would say that a bond with a first love, especially one that lasted 30 years, could be severed completely. I have some friends who are both past age 75, a widower and a widow, who recently remarried. Neither of them are "over" their past attachment to their first spouses! How can they, they see their first spouses in the faces of their children and grandchildren! While that doesn't mean they put their wedding picture from 50 years ago on the mantle, it might mean that there will always be a candle burning, in the background. I wouldn't be surprised if, in the new home they share together, they have a room upstairs called the "memory room" where the old photo albums, wedding pictures, and other memorabilia reside.

I'm not trying to create an argument or necessarily disagree with you. But I'm a sensitive guy too, and if I waited until I was "over" my ex I might be 80 years old, and too senile to have remembered her anyway!