Journaling because I need to get this out of my head.
This morning I listened to a podcast about being with a narcissist. I have known for a while that H is one, but this explained a lot to me. How they drop love bombs, especially in the beginning and are charismatic, complimenting you and how you are the perfect one for him, are amazing, etc (all things he said to OW within weeks of moving out). 1 quote from the podcast was, "No one falls in love faster than a narcissist who needs a place to live."
Fast forward to later today... H came by to discuss some things and after he searched through my computer history, I told him he was not in a position to do that and took the computer from him. He began telling the kids how he wants them to come stay with him but I won't let them. After some more of this, I lost it in front of the kids and said how H has been living with OW and her kids. I regretted it instantly and have been trying to repair that damage all day long.
Since, then H left and went through a weird progression of actions.
1. threatening to call DFCS on me for saying those things in front of the kids 2. Next he was saying he is coming home this weekend for good and we will NOT be divorcing because he will be here to make sure I am miserable the rest of my life. 3. Next he sent me a long message detailing how everyone will be better off without him, how he is going to finally end it. When I ignored those messages, he sent a few more with suicide notes to each of the kids.
A little bit later, he called me and was bawling, going on about how all he does is cause problems and everyone will be better off without him. He was very drunk. I asked if OW was with him and when he confirmed, I told him to go enjoy his time with her and hung up.
Side note, I did speak with 1 lawyer & have calls in to a couple more.
If you stayed to read all that crazy mess, thank you.