Thanks KML. It was definitely a strange start but things have really come together and we are enjoying getting to know each other and spending time together. He is refreshingly open and transparent and I feel like there isn't anything I can't talk to him about. He's just a genuinely nice person who is easy to be around.
Further thoughts regarding the interview with EP that I listened to. She talked about the importance of having shared values with your partner and said that there are people who are "raised to be autonomous" and people who are "raised to be connected". I think most of us would say we are a bit of both so this was an interesting thought to contemplate. TDH and I had a discussion about it this afternoon during lunch. We have concluded that we both lean heavily toward the connection side of things. We value relationship and community over independence and seek it out when things get hard. We also both believe that when you are committed to someone, you should do what it takes to work it out with splitting up being the last possible resort (assuming you aren't in an abusive relationship). Both of us come from families with really close relationships - him even more so than me because he has a huge extended family and has many cousins that are as close as his siblings whereas I just mostly had my nuclear family). When I contrast that to XH, it is a big difference. He was not raised with siblings and was a lot younger than his cousins. He is not particularly close to either of his parents. Even though he and his mom have always lived together, the closeness they share is not even close to what I had with my parents. He hides a lot of things from her. Their discussions are mostly at a surface level. I don't think she knows his heart the way my parents knew mine. When he encounters difficulties in life, he is more apt to withdraw and ruminate than he is to seek out the help of others. He told me more than once he is a "private" [secretive] person whereas I am an open book. I wish he and I had had a serious discussion around values before we got married although I suspect, at the time, he would have just told me what I wanted to hear. If I had paid attention to what I observed more than what he told me (knowing what I know now, of course), I think I would have seen a few more red flags. But then again...hindsight is always 20/20 so who knows? Anyway...it was a very interesting interview to say the least.
Me 51 H 46 B/G Twins 11 SD19 Legal SA - January 2019 Divorce filed - June 2019 Divorce final - November 2019
Together 14 years Married 12 years BD1 - May 2014 BD2 - September 14, 2018