I don't want to change how I think I should change; I want to change those things that others see about me. Much different.
How do they see you now? How do you want them to see you?
Well, my STBXW isn't talking but I've been in therapy with an awesome [female] therapist and here's what I need to work on as 180s:
1) Communication 2) Empathy, especially when it is not automatic -- e.g., don't be dismissive even of the small things 3) Concern for what she is concerned about 4) Attending to her love languages 5) Being vulnerable, talking about feelings 6) Respect -- by the end of the marriage, we were mutually disrespectful too often, although she would probably only claim I was 7) Priorities -- caring more for people rather than ideas, politics, current events
If anyone is interested I'll talk more about the 180s in a more detailed post.