Originally Posted by Core
I am enraged over the fact that I'm likely on the hook for 19 years of child support. On top of that, I'm driven to improve and advance so as I move up in career and society, my ExW who had an affair and ruined my dreams for our family gets a better life every raise I get via child support. She is not driven and has been the type to stay in a low paying job. I get that the money should go to the kids however if 1200/month works ok today, why should she get 1600/m in two years solely because the kids should have a general standard of living at both places? The hard worker is punished. After doing the math, the payments are also way more than the actual cost to raise a child. This is looking at it as a victim I know, I just dont see the positive. My W gets a guaranteed income for 19 years that will likely grow and will generally continue even if I lose my job or cannot obtain a job of similar pay and am underemployed. She has a guaranteed income and I a guaranteed debt. The debt being longer and higher than my current mortgage. The cost of my kids right now, is about 400/m. 1200/m is asinine PLUS alimony. She will actually make more than me if she has a minimum wage job due to my payments to her. It feels like a form of slavery for me to be indebted with a woman who rejected me and my family. Not for 1 to 2 years to get her on her feet but 19 years. For her, I believe in thoughts from Sandi and others that a WW has to hit bottom to change. Well since the state will have me paying enough in child support to get a 3 br townhouse in the best neighborhood here, she'll not hit bottom and may never see growth that could help her and my kids which I'd be happy to see. I'll be forced to always bail her out, which hinders growth from us both.

Wow, do I empathize with you. I have S5 and D2, so also have 19 years of child support despite my W having an affair and breaking up our family. We both share the kids 50/50 in agreement (though in practice I've actually had them more nights and days in the last few months) and yet in my state if it's 50/50 the lower earner is considered the custodial parent in terms of child support and there is no distinction in the statute scaling the amount based on time with the kids, so if it's 50/50 or 80/20 you can pay the same amount. It seems ridiculous. Paying $1500/month when I'm actually watching the kids more. I'm still buying groceries, clothes...etc for the kids.

Sorry man. It [censored], I know. But to ovrrnbw's point it's out of our control - nothing we can do about it.

Originally Posted by Core
My W becomes more polarized. Her disregard and disrespect for men in general seems to grow when we talk about the state of the world. I cant think of a man in her life she respects which worries me for my son.

I just had a conversation yesterday with my parents about respect. Looking back on it I've seen disrespect from my W to many people, including her own family members (though not necessarily men vs. women). Maybe not egregious, but perhaps red flags I should've noticed. When you're on her good side you feel like her best friend, but when she shuts you out (not just me but anyone) you're completely cut off and disrespected. Apparently she's been disrespected me behind my back for quite some time and I was unaware. This forum talks a lot about respect and that's one of the traits I'm going to look at specifically in future relationships.

Originally Posted by Core
Overall, my disdain is moving from my sitch to the state. 19 years of those payments means I wont retire early and cant slowly retire through hour reduction or job status lowering for quite some time. I will be a servant to the system.

As I said above, I hear you. It's a ridiculous system. Sorry.

Me:39 Ex-W:36
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:2
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21