Thank you so much, MLXer. I was telling a friend that I need a wellness retreat. I want to go to a spa resort where I get massages, lay on the beach, do yoga , mediate, SLEEP. Take care of ME and not think of all the BS.

The last vacation I had was in July 2019 with my exBF and our kids to the beach. The once after that was OCT last year for my friends wedding and she lives in FL Neither was a real vacation. First one was about making the kids happy. Which I do genuinely enjoy. The next one, was working hard to make our friends wedding wonderful. Which I also enjoyed, because I love my friend. We had some fun.

The last time anything for me? Canít tell ya.

I did pay $2k to go in a cruise to Bermuda with my daughter and her BFF and her parents and sister. In the middle of April. Which obviously got cancelled. And I have not gotten refunded. And I will probably completely lose this 2k. That kind of money for something like a vacation is a big deal in my world.

I actually have a lot of vacation time left at work. I put in for some time. I think Iím going to take maybe a 3-4 day break just for me. My daughter will freak. She will give me the ď you are going WITHOUT me?!?Ē But too darned bad. She had a nice long vacation to Myrtle beach and supposedly is going to Hawaii next year.

Iíve thought about pretending to go off the wall ( probably wouldnít be so much pretending) so I can go to one of those ďrecovery centersĒ and have my insurance pay for it. Group and individual therapy, yoga classes, nature walks, people cooking for me and cleaning up.


Every since this all happened in my life, did decide to make my life an act of service. I figure thatís really our purpose here on earth. I have a career that is an act of service. And for a while in the beginning I felt like I was making a difference. Unfortunately these days, especially with the role I have no, people are unappreciative entitled a holes who are just abusive and demanding . Getting threatened or yelled at by a patientís family is a daily occurrence. The nice part about COVID nursing /case management was that people stopped that. They were appreciative. Seriously, once things got better around here, they came back with a vengeance. I do still know I make a difference even if they donít appreciate it. But I take a beating at work. As well as I do at home with my daughter.

I have been living my life as my purpose here is to raise a happy healthy daughter and a productive member of society. I take joy in that and figure itís my purpose. But whatever is happening to her lately is disheartening. I feel like Iím failing somewhere. And I am the sole enforcer of consequences and having that very close mother/daughter relationship which comes with lots of friction too of course..... itís really been a challenge. It takes all the energy I have in my soul which isnít much lately. And this is while/after I deal with the other soul suckers at work.

I guess my 2 reasons for living and making my time here in earth worth it , because there isnít much else, are really testing me right now.

Leaving me so. Drained. I guess the other hard part is I have no outlet. Everyone things Iím fun loving ginger. No one and I mean no one IRL knows what I feel like inside and you would never ever know from the outside. I still even go out and have fun when given the opportunity . Itíll be like 2 hours I can escape from reality.

Iím really going to start looking into that vacation. I donít care if I donít really have the money Because itís an emergency situation. It really is. Iím going to start working on it at work today, lol

Thank you so much for that suggestion. I think itís really important for me