I am indeed very very depressed. I am on ADís. Life is just beating my down. Itís always an uphill battle, it this time Iím not getting up the hill.

Physically, I am in the worst place of my life. I can barely walk. I will likely need a surgery on my foot and my knee. On opposite legs. Itís too much. My one outlet of exercise is like totally gone. I canít even go for a walk. I wanted to go hiking and explore because the fall is beautiful here, and I can barely get from my bedroom to my bathroom. Iím limping and in pain. I donít have the time or the help I need to even have these surgeries.

My daughter is completely out of control. I mean sheís been awful. Her selfishness is off the charts. Sheís even selfish to her friends. The way she talks to people and has lost her manners is totally embarrassing. Iíve put some consequences out there, but they are going to have to get very serious. Itís heart breaking to watch whatís happening to her.

Exís wife had to take the girls to the game game tonight. They were all at my house while I was at work so they could get ready. ( I worked 11-7 today) I met them at the field. Having much one on one conversations with the wifey. More bad stuff about my ex sister in me. And how she is nasty to my daughter and criticizes her all time. She apparently told OW that my daughter isnít active enough and she might get fat. WTF?! I would honestly kill for my daughters body at her age. Itís none of her business. So Iím stuck in a position to hear this stuff I canít do anything about going on around my back. OW also shares about how rude my D has been. Itís just all kind of awful. Sad enough this is who I am talking about all of this to.

And at the end of the day Iíve got no support. Iím literally losing my mind. And I just need to come here and vent.

I donít like my life. Iíve been doing nothing but trying to make it a great one, but Iím officially defeated. I give up. Iíve worked so hard for what? To be alone and in pain both physically and mentally? Itís not a way to live a life.

Some dark humor. We had a 101 year old patient. I said ď I hope I donít live to be a 101, Iím done at 75Ē and I said to my coworker who witnesses the bad luck I have and I said ďIím going to live until 101 arenít I? And she said ďoh yeah, with your luck you willĒ and we laughed and laughed.