I am indeed very very depressed. I am on AD’s. Life is just beating my down. It’s always an uphill battle, it this time I’m not getting up the hill.

Physically, I am in the worst place of my life. I can barely walk. I will likely need a surgery on my foot and my knee. On opposite legs. It’s too much. My one outlet of exercise is like totally gone. I can’t even go for a walk. I wanted to go hiking and explore because the fall is beautiful here, and I can barely get from my bedroom to my bathroom. I’m limping and in pain. I don’t have the time or the help I need to even have these surgeries.

My daughter is completely out of control. I mean she’s been awful. Her selfishness is off the charts. She’s even selfish to her friends. The way she talks to people and has lost her manners is totally embarrassing. I’ve put some consequences out there, but they are going to have to get very serious. It’s heart breaking to watch what’s happening to her.

Ex’s wife had to take the girls to the game game tonight. They were all at my house while I was at work so they could get ready. ( I worked 11-7 today) I met them at the field. Having much one on one conversations with the wifey. More bad stuff about my ex sister in me. And how she is nasty to my daughter and criticizes her all time. She apparently told OW that my daughter isn’t active enough and she might get fat. WTF?! I would honestly kill for my daughters body at her age. It’s none of her business. So I’m stuck in a position to hear this stuff I can’t do anything about going on around my back. OW also shares about how rude my D has been. It’s just all kind of awful. Sad enough this is who I am talking about all of this to.

And at the end of the day I’ve got no support. I’m literally losing my mind. And I just need to come here and vent.

I don’t like my life. I’ve been doing nothing but trying to make it a great one, but I’m officially defeated. I give up. I’ve worked so hard for what? To be alone and in pain both physically and mentally? It’s not a way to live a life.

Some dark humor. We had a 101 year old patient. I said “ I hope I don’t live to be a 101, I’m done at 75” and I said to my coworker who witnesses the bad luck I have and I said “I’m going to live until 101 aren’t I? And she said “oh yeah, with your luck you will” and we laughed and laughed.