Valeska, that makes sense. I think I will try to validate as long as I don't feel it is crossing into any boundaries of mine (talking about AP, for instance) and as long as I feel good in the process.

So, the thing about this trip-- there was one major thing that was making me feel like I was an appendage rather than a partner in the trip. It is hard to explain without getting into too many details, but something I'd felt really uncomfortable about in the spring but elected to not make a big deal about (b/c pressure). When he reopened the trip discussions with me this element slapped me in the face-- basically how he was framing it, as a father-daughter trip. In the midst of the conversation last night I said that particular framing made me feel excluded and that was one of the things he got totally upset and defensive about.

Today, in the middle of the day he showed me some planning portions of it, and he'd completely changed the framing to remove the elements that made it seem like I was invisible. I was honestly really touched. I feel like I should reinforce this but a voice in the back of my head is saying not to make too big a deal about it either. I said, thank you, that means a lot, but didn't go into any more about it.

Then tonight I had some zoom cocktails with a fellowship group I'm a part of (we were supposed to be at this dreamy resort for a retreat this week and instead we're all just zooming, ugh) and he was great, totally gave me my space, did his own thing but was friendly and kind, took care of the kids going to bed and then went to bed early himself, while I may stay up a bit later, finish my glass of wine and read my book. Not a bad day/night.


Me (45) H (41)
M:13 T:17, D8 & D10
4/19 BD #1 ILYB
8/19 BD #2 Long-distance EA
12/19 BD #3 Actually 2 year PA
2-5/20 R attempt #1
6-7/20 limbo again, back in contact with AP
8/20-present R attempt #2