Journaling

I have done well with not reaching out to H at all. I don't even speak to him when he calls to talk to the 3 kids at bedtime (then again he doesnt call half the time so that makes it easier). Tonight he was video chatting with my son and stopped to talk to OW in the background, which we could clearly see and hear. It hit me harder than I thought it would and I hung up on him. Sat there for a good minute, feeling all the feelings and ready to yell at him to show me a little respect and not have OW around while he talks to our kids. BUT when he called back, I didnt speak to him and just let the kids finish their conversation. I didnt even ask him about his ridiculous spending the last few days. So, progress on my part maybe?

This weekend he will be here with me and the kids because it is H and my son's birthday. I have been thinking a lot about filing for divorce. It really irks me that he talks all this talk but doesnt seem to actually move forward with the D. I'm tired of the limbo.

I miss him so much, but at the same time part of me feels like I don't even know who this guy is.