Originally Posted by Steve85
So you would be open to her coming back, even if not immediately. You are not ready to date. When you can answer "I wouldn't take her back if she were the last woman on earth" then I say go date like a madman.

You came to this forum lamenting the fact that she wouldn't even talk to you. To me you still have an attachment to her emotionally that you need to work on. Absence and loneliness are not the same thing as being ready to move on.

There you go, Steve, asking the tough questions. Thanks.

Whichever way things go, I have a great need for closure. I need to know the why. I need to know what I did wrong from her perspective. I would have those two needs whether I had written her off forever or whether I still harbored a tiny hope of getting back together.

As Michele said in her Divorce Remedy book, a divorce does not mean the end of the relationship! We have three children and will someday share the spouses of our children and 6 or more grandchildren! So I expect to be seeing her on a regular basis at some point.

But that won't happen until she decides to relent from her anger. She walked out with all the money and the best car, she taunted me (through her attorney) to file a motion with the judge to get my share, and at 4 weeks her attorney wrote a letter filled with so many lies, and so much hurt, that it almost put me in the hospital. We have virtually never spoken. I saw her twice in the first three weeks, then didn't see her until month 5 when she came over (with witnesses in case I was "hostile"!) to get some clothing. Emails are tense and terse. In the first 60 days I begged her (yes, that was before DB) to at least talk with me, and maybe we could divorce amicably without lawyers, using mediators. Not a peep in reply, except more B.S. from her attorney.

So there is a lot of ground to plough. I am Christian man, I am commanded to forgive, and I have. I was clear about that before the end of the second month to her, in writing. Yet, forgiveness does NOT mean I take her back! It just means I never hate, and let go of any anger and hurt. In my case, I just felt searing pain. I loved her too much to be angry. But is that love dead? But would I take her back? She is not the person I once knew, and the chances, at this time, would be very very small.