And this iS probably against all rules, but life is so short and you just never know whats around the corner, you didnt know that your m v 1.0 would t exist, you didnt know that H would have an A and yes you dont know if in a years time you will be a family. And im not saying that you need to jump all in, but what is the worst that can happen if you do show your commitment and help plan the trip? Are you afraid of the heartbreak? The man has hurt you in every possible way and you have survived, can he really do any more to cause hurt?
What would it take for you to show your commitment? How can you ever be certain that his AP is out of him mind, that is not something you can control. Obviously this needs to feel right for you, what if its what is needed for him to take that turn and start healing?
Do you know i can totally see my H being like this and i consider it a weakness, im straight to the point and dont mope around and the whole back and forth drives me mad, but we are all different and somehow the universe has put you two together to build a family and be a partnership. You can show commitment whilst still keeping your dignity and commanding respect.