I am sorry to hear about your colleague, May. Covid svcks, especially when it hits so close to home.
I am happy to hear your IC directed you to focus on you right now. But on the same token, she is a real-life confidant that can help you navigate some of H’s behavior, so don’t beat yourself up if you need to vent here and there. Life is messy; relationships are not an individual’s path, but a joint one. You will find you in this process, of that I am sure.
I love to read you contemplating your previous lines in the sand, and where you have allowed them to become squiggly over the course of your journey. I think this contemplation will allow you to find where your true boundaries are and build your (blank paper) roadmap from there.
I also love the idea of you getting out of the house for a bit— whether taking a few days in a hotel or even just finally taking H up on his offer to support you doing yoga or going out for a bit to do your own thing. It is not only healing, but also a 180 and great GALing for you. But the hotel room would be particularly dreamy. I couldn’t have survived my sitch without some nights alone to do some deep thinking.
And re: your mama sending photos: thank god that marriage is gone. You wouldn’t want to start over on the same marriage anyway. But I also empathize with the grief of innocence lost.
May, I believe in you. To make the best decision for yourself, your children and your future. And I do believe that H is really trying right now. However imperfect that may look from the outside. Only you know your M and only you can make the best choices for you.
I hope you had a good weekend. Thinking of you. (((May)))