Nice long chat with my middle son today. He did mention that his father called him recently, for the first time in several months. (Son had come to the realization that he was always doing the reaching out, so thought he’d sit back and see how long it took if he did nothing. Now we know.)
We talked about some practical fears he has about his disability and possible future pain issues (which I think were on his mind because of his fathers current chronic pain condition). We also talked about his budget and finances - he doesn’t have much fat in his budget but we did talk about how buying certain food items at Costco might allow him to shave off a little bit. His fancy new chair that I helped him buy is working wonderfully got his pain when seated working.
In discussing budgets I spoke about how his dad and I really should have saved more during our marriage, although some of the bigger ticket items like trips and family dinners out were nice memories. He then reported some bad memories of family ski trips. (Apparently my ex took them to the top of ski runs they were unprepared for and then pushed them into going down them.) I told him how I started insisting we stay at a condo at the mountain instead of in town because it was so much pressure to get the kids up and ready and out in time for their dad to get “fresh tracks” on the mountain. By staying within walking distance of the lift, he could just go and the kids and I could get ready at our own pace. If they got tired they could come back to the condo and not be stuck waiting for their dad.
He also relayed an interesting insight about his eating (he’s had a longstanding eating disorder but is doing pretty well with it right now.) He recalls his older (Aspie) brother bring berated by their father for being a picky eater, so he felt he had to be the opposite. But now that he has given himself permission to dislike certain foods, his relationship with food is actually improving!
His brothers and I are going up to see him next weekend to celebrate his birthday; I haven’t seen him in person since January due to quarantining. I’m really looking forward to that, and to finally meeting his new kitten (half grown now).