May - so sorry to hear about your colleague. It's strange how sometimes life throws us some opportunities for more perspective sometimes.

Your just worrying about yourself mode sounds very fun and I hope that it also grants you some perspective. I had felt that same way re: my first IC during S; I was just gabbing at the IC the same way I did my close friends who knew what was going on, and didn't really get much support or advice. Once I switched ICs, I made a point to change that dynamic; my new one is a way better IC for me so that has been helpful. I know you've expressed how much you like your IC before, so that's awesome to hear that she is looking out for you as well.

That does sound tough re: your mom sending you wedding photos. It can be difficult to let yourself grieve and let go of that version of your M. I sometimes feel that way, too. I then think about how the pre-S version of my M also contained the things that we both did that led to the S, and the crappier stuff that happened during S, and that helps ease the pain of moving away from that. Some of those things from M 1.0 I want to move away from!

It sounds exhausting when you recount interacting with your H right now. I think your time focused on you will help you put that energy into something that serves you, and deciding what path that is, on your own timetable.