Thank you all for solidifying that I am not crazy. This is probably why I often feel guilty about things ir feel the need to apologize when I'm not wrong. I guess now I am an adult and the rose colored glasses are off. I think I kept them on so long because i really didn't have a mom, or anyone and i just wanted to keep seeing only good din the one person I have/had. But he has faults like the rest of us. we haven't spoken all week. He will eventually call me and ask why I haven't called him.

The problem is when i try to decline is offers, he gets mad and also makes me feel guilty. It's a lose -lose. The best I can do is take them with a grain of salt. and accept them and pretty much expect them not to happen. ANd honstly, it is not that it didn't happen that is so upsetting to me. It's the "im not a bank" comment. ANd when he asks, I have decided to I will calmly tell him how that made me feel.

I am currently not on any dating apps or even thinking about dating in any way for the past few weeks. FOr the reasons you mention too, I am not in a good place and that will attract no good. or it will attract nothing. I want ot be emotionally and physically healthy before I try my hand at it again. But I don't even desire too. It kills my spirit. Some people get pretty lucky on those dating apps fairly quickly. CLearly, not me. This might just be my fate.

Thank you for opening my eyes again to all I accomplished and overcame. I'm proud of me, but i guess some days it doesn't feel like all that hard work has paid big dividends. But I am sure its my frame of mind that isn't allowing me ot see it.

The teenager years are killer. Its been something really difficult for me. It's like everything has changed in the past few months. She's snotty at times, not appreciative, kind of lazy, and all about her friends and what she wants. It's tough. She is not a bad kid by any means, but she is going through a transition. She still is on the couch next next to me at night, may she be on her phone and she has total control over the TV, but I feel her drifting away. We were always so attached to eachother, it's tough. ANd yes, she is spoiled, no doubt, ANd I have had to hand out some more consequences to her lately because of her not listening. But it also really hard right now because these kids do not have it easy. Taking away anything social is not going to be good for her, because she is so isolated as it is. The poor kid is home alone all day. I feel for her. It's a tough balance for sure, and I am kind of alone in this. But having my little buddy drifting away is really really hard one me, quite honestly. But in know this is a completely normal process. Did I mention I have been getting guily from my dad about my daughter too? About how she doesn't call, or hold conversations, etc? More guilt trips.

The good news is, my social life is improving. And with new friends, which is kind of exciting. I've always been close to those at work, but it's becoming out of work relationships which is cool. One is a mom friend who has 2 daughters one 2 years younger than mind and one 3 years older than mine. ANd we are like the same kind of parent. She's awesome and she wants to get together soon which a small bunch of us for some drinks. Our marketing after work get togethers are coming back. I am going to trivia nigh with another coworker at a new local brewery. I'd rather work on the relationships more than a romantic one right now, This is what I need in my life. Although, I bet, as a dear friend pointed out, the socializing will probably stop once another shut down hits.

My last day off before 10 in a row. Getting the dog groomed and doing yard work for the first time since the poison ivy from H ell, I'm a little nervous, but its cold enough to cover up. Making a nice leg of lamb tonight for myself. But I did have dinner last night with a good friend and that was nice.

Gotta go make this day a good one. Thanks for listening