May, if I may (hehe)... I think you may (lol) sense frustration from people who are recognising patterns and want to help you see them. And I do get your frustration when ten people in a row say the same thing. So this is not advice, just an observation.
The most obvious pattern I see is all the little boundaries he has crossed without consequence.
You have your bright line that he cannot cross - moving out. That's great. All your other lines have been drawn in the sand. And the problem with drawing lines in the sand is that they wash away. Thinking back over your journey, it feels like there have been so many times you've said "if he does/doesn't do X, I will/won't do Y". But when push comes to shove, he kicks sand everywhere and messes up your line.
And here's where people maybe get frustrated. Instead of shaking off the sand and redrawing the line, you take a few steps further down the beach and draw a new line. You tell us why he did it - heatstroke, scared by a shark, tripped over etc. And to us, it looks like H is slowly forcing you into the ocean step by step. People are watching it happen and waving and shouting to prevent you from eventually drowning.
This is not to say that you are stupid or helpless or blind at all. You know yourself and you know your H. You may actually be drawing a giant picture in the sand with all the lines and we just can't see it. Maybe you intend to go in the water because you're an awesome swimmer. But from our deck chairs on the beach, we don't know that.
This is just a metaphor, obviously, and a dramatic one at that. I might be completely wrong and out here on a limb with my opinion. So if this post doesn't serve you, feel free to disregard.
W32 X30 S2
June 2019 | Runaway husband May 2020 | Legal separation Xmas 2020 | Divorce hearing