KML, you know, the tough part about all of this is that I have always idolized my dad . I thought he was the best dad and man on the face of this earth. And he did do his best and he does love me very much. Iíve never seen flaws in the past though. And his flaws I have finally had to admit to. Itís been hard to do and sad. And I know heís impossible to deal with and doesnít see anyway but his own and there is nothing I can do about it. We havenít spoken since. And I can predict he is going to get mad I havenít called him. Oh well. I also have to let it sit and simmer because I canít even tell him he hurt me, because he will invalidate it and make it about me hurting him. And I just donít have the energy for that.

Work stunk pretty bad today . Changes were made that have left me woth the heaviest work load and today is the first day I actually got p*ssed at work. I am always laid back, take my work load in stride, but today it wasnít fair. And it may not be very fair going forward.

I adore my coworkers absolutely adore my coworkers. But not my job. My pull back to the bedside is so strong but I canít do that now. And Iíve been out of bedside so long who knows if I would be able to hack it .
Everything canít be perfect so I have to just recognize I may not like my position but I love my coworkers and thatís the way it will be. Canít get greedy. I have Saturday off and then kick off a 9 day work streak. I pray I get through it without going insane

And yes, what gets me excited is planning for that big move in 5 years! I look at house prices all time and do my research. Iím leaning towards Delaware. Drivable form current state. Like no tax and so affordable. And still coastal.

Been thinking about making a vision board. I canít see the light lately. And I need something to look forward to and work towards . Because if I see no end in the way things are, Iím going to get even more depressed. So, Iím just trying to see a good future for myself.

D13 has an 8:15 game tonight. Sheís going with her friend, so luckily I donít have to go early. I hope to sleep like a baby tonight when we finally get home

Last edited by job; 09/18/20 01:28 PM. Reason: edited a word