Originally Posted by unchien
Unchien, I think you're right on in that I do need some space to process and I am feeling pressure to make a move on here, like yesterday, and WTF is wrong with me for not already doing it. I must be afraid, I must have no self-worth or self-respect, I'm using my children as an excuse, I'm willfully blind to my H's continuing transgressions. I *feel* the frustration with me coming across from some posters, and I get it. I really do.

But it isn't helping me right now. It is pushing me backwards, I think. And right now I need to feel the freedom to focus on me and what I want, not what other people think is best for me, or what other people would do in my situation, or EVEN what I might advise someone else in my same situation.

My IC would point out the cognitive distortions:

"WTF is wrong with me"
"I must have no self-worth or self-respect"
"I'm using my children as an excuse"
"I'm willfully blind"

(Not sure if these were your thoughts, or the thoughts you are hearing from posters)

I have my opinions about your sitch. I think your H (like literally every WAS) has pointed you into a corner where somehow you are the one having to make the truly difficult decisions. I think true lasting change is possible, but incredibly difficult and rare. But that doesn't mean it is impossible.

I also received a lot of advice on what to do in my situation. Most of it, in retrospect, was completely correct. EXCEPT... I wasn't ready. I look back today and think that perhaps I would have been better off had I been more decisive sooner... but again, I wasn't ready. And the process of finding that inner strength, for me, is the true gift of DB, and why I keep coming back to the forums even though my MR, by the time I even found this board, was completely gone.

And that's me giving advice when you've asked for no advice =) Focus on you and finding your emotional center.