May, your explanation reads very different now. I didn’t realize you wanted this type of interaction with him and it brought you relief. Perhaps I read more discomfort or reluctance the first time around when you described it.

I take no offense at all to what you say. I imagine there are many women that would not take my H back after he did what he did. Sometimes I’m surprised I did too. Lol. And I’m so far passed that time that it is no longer a trigger for me to talk about it. I do want to clarify a couple things tho. He did not just pick up and leave and he did not live with her. He also was not having a PA at any point ever when he lived in this house or our bed. They had a 6-8 month EA and then I found out and exploded. He floundered around like a lost puppy for a few weeks and I kicked him to the curb. I told him if you are not ready to commit to working on our M, then get out, I won’t have you living here unsure or thinking about someone else. So after 4 weeks of drama and him not working things out, I drew the line.

To my surprise, he did leave and he actually lived with his parents for about 10 months. That when their PA started and they had a full on relationship. I’m sure he was at her place often as she gladly left her H and got and apartment. He did not allow our kids to see them together (they knew her well and were friends with her kids) but she certainly tried. I told him don’t you ever or you will regret it every day and I will make sure if that. He knew I would never take him back if he did, and I would not have. And outside of our home, and in the “real world” their R failed quickly. We tried to keep things smooth for the kids, I did not lie to them, and we each saw them or spoke to them every 1-2 days. It was very hard nonetheless!


“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela