I want to expand on what SamCal so eloquently stated:
Originally Posted by SamCal
I think that applies and sounds like what doing nothing right now is here for you - you're giving him the dignity to fail, and that is a good thing. By not engaging and taking some time, it leaves your own emotional bandwidth available for you instead of being used up solving his problems (directly or indirectly). Kicking him out is only solving his problem of indecision for him when you aren't sure if it'd be solving a problem for you.
I attempted to go down this path with the new shoes comment, but she put it so much more succinctly. Drawing that roadmap on a clean sheet of paper doesn't necessarily demand a physical S. Maybe you just need to separate your emotions from H's to allow him to hit rock bottom and rise from the ashes on his own. I think if anyone (besides WF) can do this, it is you.
I don't remember who said it, but I agree with not lying to the kids about H's sleeping arrangements. It is much more authentic to say 'Daddy and I are having a lot of big feelings right now and need to sleep in different beds so we have more time to think.' 'Does that mean you are going to get a D?' 'You two will be the first to know if there are going to be big changes in our family. But right now, you don't need to worry about that. Right now, you just need to know that both Daddy and I love you to the moon and back times a million (or whatever your love phrase is).' And then do something loving, but relationally neutral, like watch a show as a family on the couch.
Have you heard the saying that there is a million different ways to raise great kids? I would venture to say that there are a billion different ways to make a great marriage. We see but a fraction of that figure here on this board. So you keep doing you, stay true to May and cherry pick the messages that are meant for you and your situation.