For me, there are a few different things. One, trust is a squirmy and tricky thing that I don't have a whole lot of, right now. I know myself and I know I'll just doubt that he's really not in contact with her, probably regardless of whether or not he's in the house, no matter what he says. I'm going to bet that I'll doubt more if I don't see him. He is a giant cake-eater. I just want to call his bluff and say-- in or out, buddy. He's saying in, but I'll believe that when I see it. The only way I can believe it is to see it/him and his actions, and the opportunities to see that and rebuild trust seem a lot less if we are S than if we live under the same roof.
I understand that's your perception and your truth. I disagree with it as I have seen and personally experienced the benefits of space and letting go through a S. But it is your decision. And that's okay.
Originally Posted by may22
All that being said, I'm open to the idea, especially if I felt like it was really just about the two of us and our relationship. I just feel like doing things to work on our R while he still has her in his head is useless. We've talked about him sleeping in the basement for awhile (suggestion of my IC, who said we could tell the kids Dad has some allergies and is snoring a lot so sleeping in the basement to help Mommy get more sleep because sleep is so important, or something like that, so avoiding my fears about the kids).
Please do not lie to your children. You're not teaching them the value of honesty. That will do way more damage in the long run than telling them the truth now and helping them through whatever feelings they have.
Instead that you can say it's a decision that's both you and H agreed upon. If your kids express some kind of fear. Listen and Validate, but you do not need to give them more info into why you made the decision.
Last edited by Valeska19; 09/16/2012:00 AM.
M(f): 38 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.