Originally Posted by may22
[On the "trial" S, I was thinking more along the lines of what happened in Pommy's sitch. I just don't believe in trial separations UNLESS you can be fully 100% certain that both parties are doing it to work through things on their own and decide if the M is right for them. In my case, I'd have to believe 100% he wasn't going to start texting AP again. I don't 100% believe he's going to stop all contact forever with AP now. How could I have the trust to believe he could in an S situation? This man is scared of being alone.

This seems like you are controlling the situation. If your H was ACTUALLY not texting his AP and committed to the marriage - the S wouldn't be as necessary.

Therapeutic separations can be very healing for a relationship. You set it for a period of time. Set ground rules, etc.
They help provide space and safety needed for each party to think and figure out what they want.

Do you think you are being honest with yourself here? Is it that you don't believe in it? or are you scared because you won't have eyes on your H and he could "wander" back to AP? You response above seems to point to the latter.


M(f): 38
D'ed: 8/12

Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.

Love at all costs because you are loved well.