Originally Posted by wayfarer
The other thing is you're hearing from a lot of people who were physically separated. Very, very few of us have dealt with this process with the WS in the same house full time from beginning of the A to piecing. It's a pretty rare occurrence on here. I think there are plethora of variables in that. So with that in mind I'll agree you need to keep focusing on you. Keep self assessing what's acceptable for you. What's healthy and what's not for you. Keep checking and re-checking those boundaries.You really should get the legal stuff in order here, as a safety net. However, outside of that you have time. You don't have to kick him out to make this decision, but if you do, out doesn't mean over. Yes, I like you felt like if he's out that door I'm done with this, but it doesn't have to be. Right now I think it's just important you take your space as you need it and if that means him in the basement, ok. If that means him in another house, ok. I think it's also important to make sure you have the time you need here. So if you want a week, a month or a year to decided and you want to do it with him in the house that's up to you.

Wayfarer, this is really very helpful. I have to say I've had you on my mind quite a bit, recently. I remember you saying once that you actually felt kind of bad for your H when he got dumped by his AP. You were able to see so clearly from the very, very beginning what was going on and just took your own emotions out of it, decided what was best for your girls and buckled down and just took one step at a time, every day, no BS. Sometimes I think if I had been able to channel more of my inner WF back in the spring I'd be in a different place right now, but maybe not. Guess it is all part of my journey. But I'm feeling that inner WF zen right now that I have been chasing for so long and it feels good. xoxo

Me (45) H (41)
M:13 T:17, D8 & D10
4/19 BD #1 ILYB
8/19 BD #2 Long-distance EA
12/19 BD #3 Actually 2 year PA
2-5/20 R attempt #1
6-7/20 limbo again, back in contact with AP
8/20-present R attempt #2