Originally Posted by Vapo
Greetings Tom,

You said the separation was out of the blue and that your wife gave you no prior warning. I would venture to say that she did and that you just did not pick up on the clues. This to will crystalize in time as hindsight is always 2020.
Oh, I've done a lot of self-reflection and now know the hints she was providing. At the time, however, I was clueless. Silly me, she told me 30 years earlier that she believed in her vows. And a man can't include, during the wedding anniversary dinner each year, a request to her "you still love me don't you" and "you still will abide by your wedding vows, right?"

I know fairness is not something to expect, but still over the 5-10 years when she was mentally disengaging, you'd have thought that she would have grabbed me at least once, or more than once, and said, "I'm thinking divorce! We need to do something!" Not just suffered in silence until it was too late.
Originally Posted by Vapo
I also find it curious you calling yourself a man of faith, yet you seem ready to marry again. Is it not "till death do us part"?
I am struggling with this, not surprisingly. I've been told by more than one Christian, and one pastor, that when the other spouse leaves or is unfaithful then a Christian should have no moral qualms about remarriage. I am still talking about this and the issue is not fully resolved for me yet.
Originally Posted by Vapo
It is my firm opinion that you played your part in the demise of your marriage. Whether it was 10% or 50% or 80% is not all that important right now. What is important is that you contributed to the demise.
I wholly agree with you here. And it doesn't really matter whether it was 50:50 or 80:20 either way. What's done is done, and she doesn't want to stay married to me anymore, in spite of 32 years together.
Originally Posted by Vapo
Also do not badmouth your W to anyone and I mean anyone. The truth will surface eventually.
That part really hurts. She is badmouthing me to her girlfriends, and I hear it from their husbands. I have very few friends for whom we were not all couples, so for all of my friends, their wives are friends of my ex. I expect I will lose every one of them; meaning they will go out with my ex and her new BF or husband, not me, as the years go by.

She also turned my oldest daughter against me last fall, although my daughter's anger has worn off. My other two kids have done their absolute best to not take sides.
Originally Posted by Vapo
Do not go on a hunt for a wife number 2, you are waaaaay to damaged to think clearly now. Damaged attract damaged and you might attract someone in your life that is just as damaged if not more. You need time to heal and you need time to recover.
Yes, I know this first hand. A very attractive divorced woman came on to me very strongly last fall, a couple months after I was served papers, and I ended it after three months. I have heard that there are a LOT of 50-60 singles out there, and most of them are pretty screwed up. I guess that includes me too, now.
Originally Posted by Vapo
Prior to 2 years of single life do not even attempt to date, you have to learn to be content and happy to be by yourself.
We're going to have to talk about this one more. A lot more.