So I just have a few thoughts on all of this. He's a master manipulator. Like heavy weight champion of the world. I won't disagree for a second with everyone else on here about that. Or that he's selfish, immature, and very likely not making this choice from a place that rest solidly in the thought that you are a person of high value and that you are irreplaceable in his life. However, the reality here is those words are all coming from people who were the LBS.
Returning or making that choice for M 2.0 isn't a pretty or straight line. There was a 2.5 year long relationship here how many people get over their serious relationships of 3 years over night? They don't. You wanting to see him have his closure is a kindness he doesn't deserve, but it is coming from a logical place. Not a manipulated one. There is going to be a long hang over here, and an even longer road to recovery. Affairs almost never last that long, and the reality is it didn't last as long as it did because you allowed it to, you didn't know. You simply didn't know for the bulk of it. The fact that you are starting to have empathy for them both and have become so detached is such a sign of strength and growth through this. You acknowledging you can't control his feelings of loss over AP is a big deal. Most people on here probably wouldn't tolerate the amount of information both you and I endured. But if nothing else we've grown though the pain, and frankly we both will have closure on the OW in a way that others may never get.
The other thing is you're hearing from a lot of people who were physically separated. Very, very few of us have dealt with this process with the WS in the same house full time from beginning of the A to piecing. It's a pretty rare occurrence on here. I think there are plethora of variables in that. So with that in mind I'll agree you need to keep focusing on you. Keep self assessing what's acceptable for you. What's healthy and what's not for you. Keep checking and re-checking those boundaries.You really should get the legal stuff in order here, as a safety net. However, outside of that you have time. You don't have to kick him out to make this decision, but if you do, out doesn't mean over. Yes, I like you felt like if he's out that door I'm done with this, but it doesn't have to be. Right now I think it's just important you take your space as you need it and if that means him in the basement, ok. If that means him in another house, ok. I think it's also important to make sure you have the time you need here. So if you want a week, a month or a year to decided and you want to do it with him in the house that's up to you.
This is your journey. If M 2.0 is what you want and you want to go for it with him never leaving the home that's up to you. You want him out that's up to you too. And if you just want to give it a little time to see if this time is any different, that's yours too.
None of this is a perfect science and no matter what road you choose. Both will be arduous. And neither will make everyone happy all of the time.